Pause, Breathe, Reflect!
The Christmas season is often painted with an idyllic brush—a time of joy, love, and connection. Yet, for many of us, it can also stir old wounds, bring up unresolved patterns, and test our patience, especially when we find ourselves around family members who may trigger our childhood selves.
This holiday season, let’s explore the transformative practice of pausing, taking a breath, and asking, “What am I hoping to get out of this interaction?”
Why This Question Matters
When we pause to reflect before responding, we reclaim the power to choose how we engage. Without this pause, we often react from a place of hurt, frustration, or defensiveness, perpetuating cycles that leave us feeling drained. By asking ourselves what we truly hope to gain—a sense of connection, peace, understanding—we align our responses with our intentions instead of being ruled by our emotions.
In these moments of reflection, we also take responsibility for our role in the dynamic. While we can’t control others, we can control our approach, breaking free from old patterns that no longer serve us.
The Impact of Family Dynamics
Family gatherings often act as a mirror, reflecting parts of ourselves shaped by shared history. Childhood wounds can be triggered in seconds—an offhand comment, a dismissive tone, or a lingering tension. It’s vital, as adults, to recognize these triggers and do the inner work to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Why? Because reactivity can be destructive. It erodes relationships and deepens divides, pulling us further from the harmony we crave during the holiday season.
Instead, take a breath. Reconnect with the present moment. Ask yourself:
Am I responding from my past or my present self?
How old do I feel in this moment? (this often reveals whether it is adult or child self in the drivers seat)
What do I need right now, and how can I express it kindly?
Embracing Differing Value Systems
Another source of holiday tension arises from the reality that family members often hold different values. These differences don’t have to create disconnection. We don’t need to agree with someone’s perspective to coexist with them.
Instead of focusing on what divides us, we can seek understanding. Ask yourself:
What does this person value, and how does it shape their behavior?
Can I appreciate their perspective without needing to adopt it?
When we let go of the need to change others or make them see things our way, we free ourselves to be present in the moment. Connection becomes about shared humanity, not shared opinions.
Changing the Way We Relate
The truth is, we cannot change our family. But we can change the way we relate to them. By:
Setting boundaries that protect our peace.
Practicing compassion, even when it feels hard.
Grounding ourselves in the values we hold dear while allowing others to do the same.
This work is not easy, but it is liberating. It allows us to show up as our most grounded selves, even in the face of triggers.
A Season for Self-Awareness
The Christmas season is a perfect opportunity to deepen our self-awareness. Rather than striving for perfection or trying to "fix" family dynamics, we can focus on being present, mindful, and authentic.
So, this season, let’s commit to the practice of pausing. Let’s breathe deeply before responding, reflect on our intentions, and approach our family with compassion—even when it’s challenging.
In doing so, we give ourselves the gift of inner peace and create the possibility of more meaningful connections. Because while we cannot change the past or control others, we have the power to change how we show up. And that is the most powerful gift of all.
xx
Julz
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