It is no shock to hear that money is the cause of a vast majority of relationship break downs. It has countries at war, families divided, and it can be easy to slip into the mainstream view that there is just not enough for you. Why is it that something so fundamental just like water or food or the air we breathe creates so much more stress and a lack mentality? When you talk about money how does your body react? Do you tighten? Does your pulse change? These will be key signals to let you know the stress you carry around money.
For most people you can look at your current financial situation and see similarities to your own childhood. This is because our beliefs around money start there. Whether there was abundance or too little or money was used as status, those attitudes role modelled to you will have shaped your relationship with money.
I recently read Lynne Twists book "The soul of money" and it really has changed my outlook on it. Yes, money is necessary but as with all forms of exchange it carries energy and intent with it. Perspective plays a huge role. We can resent our bills, or we can choose to pay for them out of love for the electricity or gas or whatever it is you receive from it. It's like we expect those things with as little money appreciation in return. And because money is energy, the more you resent using it, the more you take yourself out of the natural flow of it.
I was curious last week at my own values as we got an unexpected sum from my husband’s back pay at his work. It's funny you'd think you'd jump up and be stoked which initially we were, but then it turned to stress around where that money needed to go. Wanting to hold it for fear of not "having enough" or the what ifs. It made me really contemplate the fact that no matter how much money you have, if you believe money is stressful, it will be. People with a heavy flow of money coming in tend to adjust their lifestyle to fit. The take more expensive holidays, they get a more expensive car to match the image they are presenting so in essence they are just as stressed about money as the person with very little. Until we change our habits and attitudes around money, we will always be stressed about it. Some people spend it joyfully only to feel immense stress right after. This can be because there is a conflict of values around what to do with your money. Hold onto it for later or enjoy it now. Neither is more right or wrong. They both serve a purpose. But if you do happen to spend it, trust the flow will return. Trust that the money you spent goes to the next person needing it right now and yours will flow back towards you when you need it.
The biggest learning for me around money is that money is a carrier of intention. And it needs to flow. To me what that means is that by holding onto money out of fear, you are actually blocking the inward flow of abundance. You can hold onto it to build abundance further. If you are choosing this, do so with the intent and gratitude of creating something. Not for fear but for growth. When you use your money, if you use it with intent and gratitude it flows with the energy of abundance in the world. Your flow may be a drip, a trickle or a stream but regardless of how much, there will be a flow.
The book gave the example of Mother Teresa. Someone who founded many great charities yet lived off very little. She always had just the right amount. Money flowed to her ventures because she was living through her heart and her intention with money was in alignment with helping.
Why is it that no matter how much we have we are still stressed about it? It is just conditioning?
I saw in my eldest daughter this week the excess wanting. We had gone to the shops and bought her a new outfit which she was incredibly grateful for as that is a not a regular thing. Then just 2 days later I had to pop to a shopping centre to grab a birthday present. When we left she was in tears. We got into the car and initially I was frustrated by her sulky mood. I knew she wanted something. She said to me "mum, there is so much in there I want, you must hate shopping with me". She already knew she was falling victim to the more mentality. We spoke about how the shops are set up that way. How we are marketed to want more. That we may only be encouraged to have temporary joy and then shortly later we want again.
So, my tip for today is to really get curious about your fears and intentions with money. Where could your language change? I no longer say "we can't afford" to my kids. I now say, "this week we need to pay for x, let’s talk about this again soon and see where we are at". Use your money from your heart with intent and see how differently it flows!
love & gratitude,