My husband and I are in the throws of raising 3 kids and I certainly notice I spend a great deal of time mediating their agitations with one another and with us. Parenting offers us the opportunity to grow and develop in ourselves and first we must address raising ourselves so we can raise our children.
We must practice the very skills we want to instill in our children. Their egos have been molded from our own and the very traits we cannot stand, often have originated within us. It's imperative we learn how to resolve conflict and how to practice a calm presence in their emotional storms especially as they move into the complex teenage years.
Below are a few tips to help you when you're feeling the chaos and overwhelm of your children in conflict.
Model Calmness: Children often mirror their parents' behavior. Stay calm and composed when conflicts arise. Take deep breaths, speak in a gentle tone, and avoid reacting impulsively. By modeling calmness, you demonstrate effective conflict resolution.
Listen Actively: Actively listen to both sides of the conflict without interrupting. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Encourage them to express themselves fully before offering solutions. This helps children feel heard and understood.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Guide your children in finding solutions themselves. Ask questions that prompt critical thinking, such as "What could we do to solve this?" or "How do you think we can compromise?" Encourage them to brainstorm ideas and evaluate potential outcomes.
Promote Empathy: Help your children develop empathy by discussing how their actions impact others' feelings. Encourage them to consider the other person's perspective and feelings. Teach them phrases like "I understand how you feel" or "Let's think about how they might be feeling."
Set Clear Expectations: Establish clear guidelines for behavior and conflict resolution within the family. Encourage respectful communication and discourage yelling or blaming. Consistency in expectations helps children understand how to navigate conflicts constructively.
Please ensure you make the above a practice. It's called a practice because it's not something we will master at once and always get right. Give yourself compassion and acknowledge the wins no matter how small. Parenting is an intense growth journey and growth often feels uncomfortable and at times painful.
If you'd like extra support with this, please book yourself in for a kinesiology appointment.
with gratitude,
Julia