As a child I never understood why my older brother was the favourite. I saw his connection and ease with my parents as unfair and a sign he was more liked than me. But as a parent myself I can see how the connection with each child differs. I can see where you have similar values it becomes easier to play and connect. My husband is a lover of video games so that is a deep bond he and our son share. One I can never really get into. I can however connect to my girls who love to perform and dance which is a shared passion of mine.
I spent the weekend at an online business retreat and part of it was addressing my pillars. The things that need to be ok for my business to grow. One of those pillars was connection with my children. If I finish the day feeling I haven't really been in the moment with my kids, that is painful for me.
I spent the breaks on the retreat playing and connecting with my kids. My daughters and I did facials and nails which I invited my son into but he wasn't into it. When it came to his turn with me he got so upset as we like such different things. He felt the disconnect and so did I. He loved to crash, smash, fight and rough house and I loved to potter around and do girly things.
And so the universe delivers the perfect paradigm. My daughters wanted to play alone together, my husband wanted his time to work and so he was left with me. I invited him along to the shops to get the groceries with me and low and behold I saw a prize machine at the entrance. Knowing straight away he loves video games I knew instantly I could access his love language and his desire to win.
So we put a few dollars in and he wont some loom bands and a chocolate. He was over the moon and on cloud nine the whole shop. We spoke on the car trip home and I told him how glad I was the girls didn't want to play and that daddy was busy as it meant we got special time.
We came home and I showed him how to make the loom bands into bracelets which he made on for me, his dad, himself and his best friend. And so out of this uncomfortable disconnect where he thought he needed to be came a wonderful chance to connect somewhere else. My son also loves touch and this is his primary love language so I know we can also connect in a soulful way through cuddles and kisses. This provides him with a deep sense of value and pride.
I find this incredibly useful to teach my kids. Where you are rejected in one area, how is it in fact a blessing paving way for a connection somewhere else? The polarity always exists.
You see we all have things we love to do that light us up and things that just feel dull and painful. Kids see straight through the faking it so rather than trying to become something they need us to be, look outside the box and see where you can both connect to a task or thing and create a win win.
There is no right way. You simply need to follow your own desires and allow your child to follow theirs. You can be anything but you can't be everything. Be the unique piece of their puzzle. Don't try be the whole puzzle.