Why is it easier to give compassion to others than to self?

Why is it that we can often hold space with empathy and compassion for others, yet when it comes to ourselves, we can be harsh and cruel?

This week has highlighted a theme for many at the moment around our thoughts—particularly those about ourselves. I’m not totally shocked, as we are now in Aquarius season, which relates to our thoughts and the tendency to be in our heads too much. Whether you are into astrology or not, this is a theme many of us can work with to develop a greater sense of self-compassion and understanding.

The first step, I believe, is to question ourselves. “Why do I hold myself to such excessive standards, yet understand that for others this is not necessary or productive?”

I then like to ask, “How old do I feel in this judgement, thought, or expectation?"  There is often a key element in the age that arises, as we internalise our environments from a young age.

For many of the clients I work with (and myself), that inner critic is our biggest cause of suffering. It constantly narrates what has happened, or what may happen, through a lens of blame or shame. It is, in fact, creating a narrative we then accept as truth. Brené Brown has taught us that shame does not create lasting change—quite the opposite. It often locks us into low self-worth and unhelpful behaviours.

When you reflect on the past week, what is one area you have been too hard on yourself about? How can you offer yourself empathy and understanding, and let go of the fear that without being hard on yourself you won’t change—because in fact, it will likely free you and allow you to expand.

When we aren't being harsh with ourselves, we have more space for joy, contentment, and most importantly in todays world-presence.

The inner critic tends to pull us either into the past — “I should have…” — or into the future — “I have to do X or Y is going to happen.” The should haves often create a low, depressive state, while the I have to’s, layered with stress and pressure, generate heightened anxiety.

It sounds so simple, but when we gently tweak the language, the context shifts completely. For example, “Next time I’ll try…” or “I am going to work on doing X to help with Y.”

I thought to help you dive into this a little that I'd grab you some journal prompts to reflect with. The wonderful thing about writing in a notebook or journal is that you essentially brain dump all the stresses out onto paper and help the mind to feel clearer and lighter. It also carves a beautiful space for self-reflection and awareness. Please scroll down to the bottom of this blog to find the prompts.

Feel free to reply to this email with your insights you might uncover. I always love to hear what evolves from a discussion.

Have a beautiful week ahead and be kind to yourself!

xx

Julz

Journal reflections:

• Where did my inner critic pull me this week — into the past or the future? What phrases or thoughts kept repeating, and how did they make me feel in my body?

• What “should have” story am I still carrying? If I softened the language, how could I reframe it into “next time I’ll try…” or “I’m learning to…”?

• What am I telling myself I “have to” do right now? How does this language create pressure or anxiety, and what would it feel like to replace it with choice or intention?

• How old do I feel when this inner voice shows up? What might this part of me need that it didn’t receive at that age?

• What would self-compassion look like in this situation if I spoke to myself the way I speak to someone I love? Write out those words exactly as you would offer them to another.